Having become a new mama just 4 years ago (this month!), I can safely say that the journey into parenthood can be utterly challenging and feel very messy and frustrating at times. There’s so much to juggle in our lives – children, work, family, friendships just to name a few things – and so often we, as parents, can be hard on ourselves, trying to keep all the balls up in the air in a world that was stressful and overwhelming enough before children came along. So, when our child is being ‘wild’ (and I’m a lover of wild children – and a mother of one – by the way), we can innocently begin to think “oh, why can’t they just behave differently?”.
What I’ve begun to see happening for myself in that moment where I begin to judge my baby girl’s wild behaviour is that I am usually expressing an unmet need of my own inner little girl. If I’m busy, and trying to juggle all the things, and my little girl is wild and excited – perhaps overstimulated by the amazingness of the world – and she’s bouncing around, it can be triggering for my own inner little girl who really longs for peace in a world where I haven’t created boundaries for that, so that I’m able to have the spaciousness to join her in her excitement. What can happen then, is I will project on my child “why can’t she just behave ‘better?’ so that I can get this next task done?”
And it makes so much sense, because it’s how we’ve been conditioned to think about children’s “behaviour” – I personally grew up in an era where I was told “children should be seen and not heard”. And yet, I’ve come to see that children often behave what we might judge as “badly” when we are not allowing them to fully express themselves because of our conditioning.
We see it most in the world where children with neurodivergence – things like ADHD particularly – are seen as ‘naughty’ or ‘disruptive’, when really their brains are just wired in a way that diverges from the typical brain. These kids have real gifts, if we allow them to thrive.
That can be a hard pill for us to swallow as parents, though, who just want calm children. So, I was contemplating – as we do begin to sink into noticing that for ourselves – what else can help us create an environment that’s really calm and peaceful for us all to thrive? And of course, that’s essential oils…
Because essential oils have a physiological impact on our body’s chemistry, we can work with them (gently with children) to help cultivate and support an environment that we desire. For example, if we want to encourage calmness, we can create an environment of calm by supporting with essential oils. Likewise, when we want to create a stimulating learning environment, we can create that with essential oils, and so on. Whatever we want to create, there’s an oil for that!
I’m going to recommend some oils below that can help us more intentionally carve out specific environments that can encourage our children to thrive in their natural rhythms. It’s good to work with our children’s natural cycles when we do this, so note that this is to super-power what nature intended.
Safety of essential oils with children
Before we go there, here are some safety dos and don’ts with using essential oils with children:
- Never use undiluted essential oils directly on skin, or near eyes, mouth, nose or ears
- Dilute more heavily in carrier oils (like Grapeseed oil) for topical application with children – (see our previous article on Essential oils for babies and younger children)
- 2 drops in 15ml carrier for kids aged 1 year up to age 5
- 3 drops in 15ml carrier for children between 6 and 12 years old
- Up to 6 drops in 15ml carrier for older children
- Don’t allow your children to ingest essential oils
- Patch test and avoid going out in the sunlight with any photosensitive oils – essential oils listed below with a * are phototoxic, totally avoid sun exposure after use.
- Consult your doctor if your child is undergoing any medical treatment
Essential oils for play, creativity and expression
If you want your child to have some intentional time to play, be creative and express themselves, then the following oils would be good – perhaps in the early morning or later afternoon.
- Sweet Orange* – a cheery, refreshing oil, this is one for creating a playful, yet calming environment (age 6 months+)
- Lime* – a deeply invigorating, uplifting oil, this one can help creative expression with its gorgeous citrusy scent (age 2 years+)
- Tangerine* – a relaxing, yet uplifting oil, this is cheery and stimulates creativity (age 6 months+)
- Lemongrass – a citrus scent that helps reduce feelings of aggression and nervousness, this oil can help calm a child into play (age 2 years+)
- Rosewood – a balancing, uplifting, comforting oil that aids calm expression (age 6 months+)
Creative Playful Expression Diffusion Blending Tip
I recommend mixing 1-2 drops of your favourite oils from the list above (use up to three oils and a total of 2-6 drops, depending on the age of your child), smelling them together first in the bottles to see that they blend well, mixed in water in electrical diffuser or your candle burner (always keeping both away from your child). An example blend for a 6 year old could be – 1 drop Sweet Orange, 1 drop Lime, and 1 drop Rosewood mixed in water in a candle burner or electrical diffuser, for up to 30 minutes at a time.
Essential oils for focus and learning
To carve out some more focused learning time, I’d recommend using the following oils. Use these in the morning, or early afternoon, as some of them are a bit more ‘stimulating’.
- Spearmint – a stimulating oil that helps concentration, this is a great alternative to brain-stimulating Peppermint oil which is to be avoided with children (Spearmint to be used age 6 years +)
- Grapefruit* – an uplifting, stimulating oil, this cheery citrus aids focus (age 1 year+)
- Tea Tree – an invigorating oil, this one helps with clarity and focus (age 6 months+)
- Patchouli – an oil for confidence, this grounding, calming oil is helpful to balance the stimulating oils and create a calm learning environment (age 2 years+)
- Bergamot* – a relaxing, calming oil, this one reduces any nervous anxiety associated with learning and is also uplifting (age 6 months+)
Focused Learning Spritz Blending Tip
I recommend mixing up a spritz for your focused learning time, with any choice of your three favourite oils from the list above (total 15-30 drops, depending on the age of your child). Mix 100ml of water, and add up to 5-10 drops of each of your favourite 3 oils. An example blend for a 6 year old could be – 12 drops Grapefruit, 12 drops Patchouli and 6 drops Spearmint mixed in 100ml water in a spray bottle. Shake well before each use (or use a little Polysorbate 20 to solubilise the oils in the water). Spritz into the room at intervals, as needed, to encourage a focused learning environment.
Essential oils for relaxation and calm
After all of that learning time, you’ll want to create a really relaxing and calming afternoon and early evening ready for bed. I’d recommend the following oils, used later in the day to bring a sense of peace and calm for happy thriving children.
- Mandarin* – hypnotic, sedative, and yet gorgeously scented, Mandarin is a firm childhood favourite! (age 6 months+)
- Chamomile (Roman and German) –really relaxing, calming, soothing oils that are great for cultivating a sense of peace (age 6 months+)
- Lavender – a calming oil, Lavender is a favourite in the relaxation category (age 6 months+)
- Yarrow (Blue) – a balancing oil which is a good choice for calm (age 6 months+)
- Vetivert – a grounding, soothing oil that helps with any stress or anxiety, it’s a wonderful bedtime oil (age 6 years+)
Relaxing & Calming Diffusion Blending Tip
I recommend putting one drop of each of your favourite three oils from this category onto a cotton pad (to super boost this, it could be put on a radiator) in your child’s room before bed – and whatever room they are in – for at least 1 hour before they are due to sleep. For example, 1 drop Mandarin, 1 drop Chamomile and 1 drop Lavender is a brilliant sleepy time calm cultivator. You could also diffuse a few drops into the environment, too, if that feels easier.
I hope these tips help you carve out your days with your children in an intentional way that helps you all thrive.
Happy blending!
Nicole Barton
Consultant Aromatherapist
Disclaimer & Safety Advice